Chuck quotes s2
2012-02-07 ♥ 02:16:10
(After catching Ellie and Awesome in the shower)
Chuck: First of all, congratulations, Devon on the, on, what, on whatever God gave you there...
(Chuck rounds on Casey after they escape the restaurant)
Chuck: "Somebody order drive through"? Huh? Did you think that up as you were racing over here to save us? Hey, maybe I'll say this after I crash into the restaurant!
(Chuck's fabulous bluff)
Chuck: My name is Charles Carmichael. I'm a CIA agent, and this is my trap. I don't think you gentlemen recognize the gravity of the predicament you're in. Your call to the Buy More? Yeah, we traced that. Your compound is currently surrounded by 23 infantry troopers, 16 snipers, seven heavy gunners, four demolitions experts and enough ammunition to orbit Arnold Schwarzenegger. You're outmatched and you're outgunned. Those pea-shooters you're holding might as well be sharp sticks and strong language....Of course you don't see anyone. What do you think we are, the FBI? The only thing you're going to see is a muzzle flash and an e-ticket straight to hell.
(Casey saves Chuck mid-fall off a building)
Chuck: You... You...
Casey: Yeah, I catch you when you fall. It's touching. Really.
Chuck: No, no, I love you!
Casey: Keep it in your pants, Bartowski.
Chuck: What exactly are you doing?
Colt: I'm stretching. Getting limber.
Chuck: Why are you doing that?
Colt: So I won't pull a muscle when I break your neck. Maybe you should get limber, too.
(as Chuck is preparing to go undercover)
Roan: We need to talk about protection.
Chuck: I don't think it's gonna get that far, Roan.
Roan: I mean a gun. Why do you think she's known as the Black Widow.
Chuck: She's African-American and her husband died...?
Chuck: So uh...staying with Sarah, huh?
Bryce: Protecting our cover. How are things between you guys?
Chuck: They're good. Good good good. Solid. Why, did she say something?
Bryce: No it's just, she's a beautiful girl, pretending to be your girlfriend. I was afraid you'd let the lines get blurred and fall for her.
(Chuck scoffs)
Chuck: What me, fall for Sarah? Please.
(Sarah enters)
Sarah: Hey guys. So how do I look?
Chuck: Good. Yeah, yeah. Real good. Red's not really my color, so... (mumbles) forgot my jacket...or salmon or whatever that is.
Anna: Morgan, you can't let a bully like Mitt push you around, this isn't high school.
Morgan: No, it's worse. This is Buy More.
(As Chuck prepares to kiss Casey)
Casey: I've served my country with honor! Let me die with dignity!
Casey: Look, Bartowski, my job is to look after all the citizens of this nation, not just the girl who raises your flag.
Captain Awesome: Okay, so how did everyone come with their chest compression?
(Captain Awesome walks into the room and sees Buy More employees beating up their aquatic dolls.)
Captain Awesome: Come on guys, what's wrong with you?
Jeff: I drink too much.
Lester: My parents had impossible standards.
Big Mike: Did I just hear you don't have Thanksgiving plans? That's terrible, damn terrible. I'm amazed to find so many staff members without proper plans for Thanksgiving. Like those two poor creatures. (Points to Jeff and Lester)
Morgan: Sir, are you inviting us to dinner?
Big Mike: No...God, no.
Chuck: Yeah, well the thing is, Casey doesn't really have a calm center. It's more of an angry center.
Casey: Can't believe it. Beckman was out of line pulling me off this mission.
Sarah: I agree with her. You're too emotionally involved.
Casey: This from the agent that can't keep her chocolate out of Bartowski's peanut butter.
Casey: (to Chuck) You know, if my primary objective wasn't to protect you, I'd kill you.
Chuck: First of all, congratulations, Devon on the, on, what, on whatever God gave you there...
(Chuck rounds on Casey after they escape the restaurant)
Chuck: "Somebody order drive through"? Huh? Did you think that up as you were racing over here to save us? Hey, maybe I'll say this after I crash into the restaurant!
(Chuck's fabulous bluff)
Chuck: My name is Charles Carmichael. I'm a CIA agent, and this is my trap. I don't think you gentlemen recognize the gravity of the predicament you're in. Your call to the Buy More? Yeah, we traced that. Your compound is currently surrounded by 23 infantry troopers, 16 snipers, seven heavy gunners, four demolitions experts and enough ammunition to orbit Arnold Schwarzenegger. You're outmatched and you're outgunned. Those pea-shooters you're holding might as well be sharp sticks and strong language....Of course you don't see anyone. What do you think we are, the FBI? The only thing you're going to see is a muzzle flash and an e-ticket straight to hell.
(Casey saves Chuck mid-fall off a building)
Chuck: You... You...
Casey: Yeah, I catch you when you fall. It's touching. Really.
Chuck: No, no, I love you!
Casey: Keep it in your pants, Bartowski.
Chuck: What exactly are you doing?
Colt: I'm stretching. Getting limber.
Chuck: Why are you doing that?
Colt: So I won't pull a muscle when I break your neck. Maybe you should get limber, too.
(as Chuck is preparing to go undercover)
Roan: We need to talk about protection.
Chuck: I don't think it's gonna get that far, Roan.
Roan: I mean a gun. Why do you think she's known as the Black Widow.
Chuck: She's African-American and her husband died...?
Chuck: So uh...staying with Sarah, huh?
Bryce: Protecting our cover. How are things between you guys?
Chuck: They're good. Good good good. Solid. Why, did she say something?
Bryce: No it's just, she's a beautiful girl, pretending to be your girlfriend. I was afraid you'd let the lines get blurred and fall for her.
(Chuck scoffs)
Chuck: What me, fall for Sarah? Please.
(Sarah enters)
Sarah: Hey guys. So how do I look?
Chuck: Good. Yeah, yeah. Real good. Red's not really my color, so... (mumbles) forgot my jacket...or salmon or whatever that is.
Anna: Morgan, you can't let a bully like Mitt push you around, this isn't high school.
Morgan: No, it's worse. This is Buy More.
(As Chuck prepares to kiss Casey)
Casey: I've served my country with honor! Let me die with dignity!
Casey: Look, Bartowski, my job is to look after all the citizens of this nation, not just the girl who raises your flag.
Captain Awesome: Okay, so how did everyone come with their chest compression?
(Captain Awesome walks into the room and sees Buy More employees beating up their aquatic dolls.)
Captain Awesome: Come on guys, what's wrong with you?
Jeff: I drink too much.
Lester: My parents had impossible standards.
Big Mike: Did I just hear you don't have Thanksgiving plans? That's terrible, damn terrible. I'm amazed to find so many staff members without proper plans for Thanksgiving. Like those two poor creatures. (Points to Jeff and Lester)
Morgan: Sir, are you inviting us to dinner?
Big Mike: No...God, no.
Chuck: Yeah, well the thing is, Casey doesn't really have a calm center. It's more of an angry center.
Casey: Can't believe it. Beckman was out of line pulling me off this mission.
Sarah: I agree with her. You're too emotionally involved.
Casey: This from the agent that can't keep her chocolate out of Bartowski's peanut butter.
Casey: (to Chuck) You know, if my primary objective wasn't to protect you, I'd kill you.
Bennett: I'm looking for John Casey. Can you tell me where to find him?
Morgan: What do I look like? An information desk?
Bennett: Excuse me?
Morgan: Yes, fine, you're excused. Oh, and don't forget to fill in our customer comment card on your way out.
Chuck: (on the phone to Casey) Code red. Code red. Redder than red. It is the reddest, it is the reddest of all hues. We are Defcon One or Five, whichever means hurry. Right now. Bennett is at the Buy More.
Chuck: (On the phone to the police) Yeah, hi. I'd like to report a stolen '81 Delorean. Licence plate is D-E-M-O-R-G-A-N. No. This is not a prank call.
Jack: Alright. Sarah and I will handle the deal. (To Casey) Cop-face, you're security.
Chuck: (to Casey) We can switch names if you like. I can be Cop-face and you can be Shnook.
Chuck: Sarah's just bluffing with Beckman, right. She'd never arrest her own father?
Casey: Why not? The guy's a criminal. Been in and out of jail her whole life.
Chuck: Well, he seems to care, though. I mean, at least he's attempted to have a relationship. I don't even know where my own father is.
Casey: Oh, that's sad. You've confused me with someone that cares about your life before the Intersect.
Casey: You know, I survived three wars without so much as losing a fingernail before I met you, Bartowski.
General Beckman: Agent Walker. Mr Bartowski. I'm sure you're wondering why someone would want Tyler Martin dead.
Chuck: Not really. I mean, have you heard his music? It's over-produced. The lyrics are completely banal. I mean Facebook even has a group called "I want to kill Tyler Martin". Not that I'm a member.
Tyler: I've got one thing to say... Hello Cleveland.
Chuck: It's Burbank.
Tyler: Well. I'm dyslexic.
Morgan: May I present to you the urinal cake. Okay. Here's the deal. The winner will be the first one of you...
(Jeff takes a bite out of the urinal cake)
Butterman: Oh, come on!
Morgan: (to Jeff) Dude, seriously, are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? You were just supposed to touch it.
Jeff: I still win, right?
Tyler: This is the most impressive rest room I've seen in my life. That ceiling looks like the night sky.
Chuck: That's because it is the night sky.
Sylvia: Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
Chuck: Charles Carmichael always comes quickly. (realizes what he just said)
Chuck: Wait a minute. You guys have a band?
Jeff: Jeff.
Lester: Lester.
Jeff and Lester: (together) Jeffster!
Chuck: That seems very fitting.
Jeff: Originally, we were going to go with the name Jester, but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.
Jeff: Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?
Chuck: Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20%, Jeff.
Chuck: Hey, can we... can we get a little closer on this picture of Cole, maybe push in on his... groinal area?
Casey: What, you seeing something you like down there, Bartowski?
Chuck: Something wrong with you and Anna?
Morgan: She's out of town, we're actually really good. No, it's my mom and Big Mike, they're like teenagers. They just keep going at it and keep going at it. The man moans like a wounded sea lion.
Devon: (To Chuck and Sarah) You two lovebirds need to find a nest where you can let the worm wiggle free!
Chuck: Thank you, Devon.
Casey: We're dead, Bartowski's got a gun.
Casey: Let me ask you something. When you escaped from Fulcrum, did you really take out nine guys?
Cole: The truth?
Casey: Professional courtesy.
Cole: It was more like 12. I just don't like to boast.
Chuck: (To Morgan about Anna) If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime.
Lester: Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.
Lester: I've tried to help you over the years, Jefferson. I've drowned myself trying to help you. But you're a moron. In the end that's what you are. You're a Buy More-on.
General Beckman: I wanted to have a private word with you... pardon the intrusion
Chuck: On this moment or my life in general?
Alex [dressed as stripper]: I understand one of you has been a naughty, naughty boy.
Lester: Me, oh my God, pick me, I'm so bad, I've been bad, I've been bad, I'm a bad person, I'm a terrible person.
Jeff: I broke eight and a half commandments on the way to work this morning
Morgan: Chuck, sorry buddy. We are here to plead our case about Awesome's bachelor party.
Chuck: You know what, not now, guys. I'm in the middle of something.
Lester: The world revolves around the sun, Charles, not you.
Jeff: Ooh, astronomy snap.
Zamir: Who the hell is Chuck?
Chuck: Huh? Chuck? Chuck? No clue. I have no clue. I am Doctor...I am Doctor Woodcomb, okay, or Devon, or Doc or sometimes people call me Captain Awesome but I have no idea who this...who this Chuck is.
(Zamir tears the white coat away revealing Chuck's Nerd Herd identity card)
Chuck: Oh, you mean that Chuck.
Chuck: Is it really you or am I super stoned?
Sarah: Uh, both. Heh.
Lester: Good morning, Big Michael!
Big Mike: Where the hell did you come from?
Jeff: We have a proposition for you.
Big Mike: I'll pass, excuse me...
Lester: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Two words. NextExpo.
Jeff: That's one word.
Lester: Stop counting.
(After Chuck shoots tranquilizers at Casey)
Casey: I'm gonna kill you when I wake up.
(Drew gives Chuck a tour of Roark Instruments)
Chuck: Hey, what's that?
Drew: The lobby.
Chuck: What's that?
Drew: Elevator.
Chuck: What's that?
Drew: The bathroom.
Chuck: (Giddy) Man, this place is awesome!
Morgan: What do I look like? An information desk?
Bennett: Excuse me?
Morgan: Yes, fine, you're excused. Oh, and don't forget to fill in our customer comment card on your way out.
Chuck: (on the phone to Casey) Code red. Code red. Redder than red. It is the reddest, it is the reddest of all hues. We are Defcon One or Five, whichever means hurry. Right now. Bennett is at the Buy More.
Chuck: (On the phone to the police) Yeah, hi. I'd like to report a stolen '81 Delorean. Licence plate is D-E-M-O-R-G-A-N. No. This is not a prank call.
Jack: Alright. Sarah and I will handle the deal. (To Casey) Cop-face, you're security.
Chuck: (to Casey) We can switch names if you like. I can be Cop-face and you can be Shnook.
Chuck: Sarah's just bluffing with Beckman, right. She'd never arrest her own father?
Casey: Why not? The guy's a criminal. Been in and out of jail her whole life.
Chuck: Well, he seems to care, though. I mean, at least he's attempted to have a relationship. I don't even know where my own father is.
Casey: Oh, that's sad. You've confused me with someone that cares about your life before the Intersect.
Casey: You know, I survived three wars without so much as losing a fingernail before I met you, Bartowski.
General Beckman: Agent Walker. Mr Bartowski. I'm sure you're wondering why someone would want Tyler Martin dead.
Chuck: Not really. I mean, have you heard his music? It's over-produced. The lyrics are completely banal. I mean Facebook even has a group called "I want to kill Tyler Martin". Not that I'm a member.
Tyler: I've got one thing to say... Hello Cleveland.
Chuck: It's Burbank.
Tyler: Well. I'm dyslexic.
Morgan: May I present to you the urinal cake. Okay. Here's the deal. The winner will be the first one of you...
(Jeff takes a bite out of the urinal cake)
Butterman: Oh, come on!
Morgan: (to Jeff) Dude, seriously, are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? You were just supposed to touch it.
Jeff: I still win, right?
Tyler: This is the most impressive rest room I've seen in my life. That ceiling looks like the night sky.
Chuck: That's because it is the night sky.
Sylvia: Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
Chuck: Charles Carmichael always comes quickly. (realizes what he just said)
Chuck: Wait a minute. You guys have a band?
Jeff: Jeff.
Lester: Lester.
Jeff and Lester: (together) Jeffster!
Chuck: That seems very fitting.
Jeff: Originally, we were going to go with the name Jester, but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.
Jeff: Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?
Chuck: Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20%, Jeff.
Chuck: Hey, can we... can we get a little closer on this picture of Cole, maybe push in on his... groinal area?
Casey: What, you seeing something you like down there, Bartowski?
Chuck: Something wrong with you and Anna?
Morgan: She's out of town, we're actually really good. No, it's my mom and Big Mike, they're like teenagers. They just keep going at it and keep going at it. The man moans like a wounded sea lion.
Devon: (To Chuck and Sarah) You two lovebirds need to find a nest where you can let the worm wiggle free!
Chuck: Thank you, Devon.
Casey: We're dead, Bartowski's got a gun.
Casey: Let me ask you something. When you escaped from Fulcrum, did you really take out nine guys?
Cole: The truth?
Casey: Professional courtesy.
Cole: It was more like 12. I just don't like to boast.
Chuck: (To Morgan about Anna) If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime.
Lester: Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.
Lester: I've tried to help you over the years, Jefferson. I've drowned myself trying to help you. But you're a moron. In the end that's what you are. You're a Buy More-on.
General Beckman: I wanted to have a private word with you... pardon the intrusion
Chuck: On this moment or my life in general?
Alex [dressed as stripper]: I understand one of you has been a naughty, naughty boy.
Lester: Me, oh my God, pick me, I'm so bad, I've been bad, I've been bad, I'm a bad person, I'm a terrible person.
Jeff: I broke eight and a half commandments on the way to work this morning
Morgan: Chuck, sorry buddy. We are here to plead our case about Awesome's bachelor party.
Chuck: You know what, not now, guys. I'm in the middle of something.
Lester: The world revolves around the sun, Charles, not you.
Jeff: Ooh, astronomy snap.
Zamir: Who the hell is Chuck?
Chuck: Huh? Chuck? Chuck? No clue. I have no clue. I am Doctor...I am Doctor Woodcomb, okay, or Devon, or Doc or sometimes people call me Captain Awesome but I have no idea who this...who this Chuck is.
(Zamir tears the white coat away revealing Chuck's Nerd Herd identity card)
Chuck: Oh, you mean that Chuck.
Chuck: Is it really you or am I super stoned?
Sarah: Uh, both. Heh.
Lester: Good morning, Big Michael!
Big Mike: Where the hell did you come from?
Jeff: We have a proposition for you.
Big Mike: I'll pass, excuse me...
Lester: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Two words. NextExpo.
Jeff: That's one word.
Lester: Stop counting.
(After Chuck shoots tranquilizers at Casey)
Casey: I'm gonna kill you when I wake up.
(Drew gives Chuck a tour of Roark Instruments)
Chuck: Hey, what's that?
Drew: The lobby.
Chuck: What's that?
Drew: Elevator.
Chuck: What's that?
Drew: The bathroom.
Chuck: (Giddy) Man, this place is awesome!
Casey: What do you call your move anyway
Chuck: What move?
Casey: The girlie pose I saw you... what do you call that?
Chuck: The morgan
Sarah: The morgan?
Chuck: He invented in high school when girls were beating him up. You kinda duck a little bit.. protect the important.. face.. [points to private parts]
Burghee: Are you wearing a wire?
Chuck: That's preposterous!
(Two agents draw their guns at Chuck's head)
Burghee: Are you wearing a wire?
Chuck: Yes, yes, I am.
Beckman: Chuck's going into lockdown. He'll be taken to Washington and put into a secure facility once and for all.
Casey: Operation Moron is over?
Jill: What happened?
Chuck: Burghee attacked me, I did The Morgan, and he flew out the window.
Jill: That's two kills in two days, Chuck. That Morgan move really is killer.
Casey: You drive or I'll end you.
Chuck: End me? Oh yeah, how you gonna do that? You don't have a gun.
Casey: Don't think I can't kill you with my thump or my elbow, nerd bludgeoned by a radiator.
Chuck: You can't kill me with that radiator; it is far too confined in this car for you to get the appropriate torque.
Casey: Strangle you with this handcuff chain.
Chuck: Yeah, yeah, you could probably do that
Casey: Drop it.
Sarah: Can't do that, John.
Chuck: Guys, guys, guys, guys let's just... let's just take a minute here, remember, we are a team.
Casey and Sarah: Stay in the car!
Chuck: Technically, I still have one foot in the car!
Jeff: You wanna see something really freaky? (They break into Casey's locker) Dude keeps a Chuck diary.
Lester: Bathroom visits. And duration.
Jeff: Keys, duct tape, high-grade chloroform.
Devon: Whoa.
Jeff: From one stalker to another, I'm impressed.
Devon: You guys think this has something to do with Chuck missing?
Lester: I don't care.
Jeff: No clue. You mind if I, uh, get right? (He takes a hit of chloroform and passes out)
Woody: (to Devon, about Jeffster!) Why are you letting Sam Kinison and an Indian lesbian wreck your wedding?
Sarah: Chuck, did you just flash?
(Rogue agent Miles looks over Chuck)
Miles: He uploaded it.
Casey: Oh...Chuck me.
Sarah: Chuck, did you just flash?
(Rogue agent Miles looks over Chuck)
Miles: He uploaded it.
Casey: Oh...Chuck me.
(Chuck pulls Casey into a hug)
Chuck: See? Guys can hug.
Casey: Not if they don't have their man-parts.
Chuck: It's a good point. (He withdraws)
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